Thinking.

Trying to catch up. Sitting in a cafe in Valbonne listening to french women speak. I am early for my french lesson. 
Yesterday, I had lunch with my friend a. I told her how much more confident that I feel in Italy. I do not hesitate to go anywhere or do anything that I desire. I don't feel restrained at all. But, coming back to france, I am feeling restrained.
Is it because I am trying to speak french? In Italy,
I have a few words, but for the most part I am getting by with English and hand signals. The Italians love Americans...but now I am very conscious that the Italians and the french can't tell American English from English, English. I love the Brits, but I know they have a bad reputation for not assimilating here. I don't want to be lumped into that group. 
My friend A. Seems to think there is not much difference between he Italians and the french. I could not disagree more. The Italians are much much friendlier. They are much less formal. They are much more helpful and kind. 
However, they are more aggressive in every way. I don't really mind this as it is not hidden, as with the french. It's right out there in the open. You can see it in the driving. 
I love both countries. I wish I felt more comfortable in france. I would ideally like to apply my confidence that I have in Italy...to my daily life on france.
I feel a little stronger coming back for my trip...something has changed a little,not sure what. I do, however, feel that twinge of uncomfortableness when I look around at the women in this cafe....I am the only one without a scarf, choosing to forego one today . I didn't have the right scarf with the outfit. My neck feels bare. ...and I'm sure nobody notices, yet, I still feel self conscious.
Time to stamp that type of thing out.