It's been about 45 days now that I have been here. Some things have gotten easier. I'm making an effort to do something different everyday. It could be to go some place different or put my self in a new situation.
I have had nothing but kindness and support from the French people. I know that many Americans think that the French are cold, but I have experienced very little of that.
It's interesting to recognize fellow country men/women and the British. Yesterday, at the supermarket, in the checkout aisle one over from me, there were 2 British women. The check out aisles are very narrow and everyone is very close. I could hear them talking. When it came time for the first woman to pay for what she bought, she was less experienced than me with this routine. Everyone was looking at her, including me. They asked to look in her backpack, which someone had to translate....but, I thought...here I am, looking at her, like others had looked at me when I was just getting used to how it goes. I wasn't looking at her critically, or judging her. If she looked up at me, looking at her, she might have thought that. So I take away from this that it's in my head that I feel like I'm sticking out or that I'm being judged because I am new to a circumstance.
It gave me the strength to use my credit card...insist they swipe it and had my passport ready for them to write the long number down. I was quick and ready. I left feeling buoyant .
Next I will have to feel this way about buying gas there.
- I am disappointed in my French. I am not studying at all. I took one class with my instructor in California via Skype. He says I sound great. He was worried that I would not engage. I am a little shy in certain circumstances, if you didn't already know this about me. I don't engage as much as I should. He suggested that everyday I ask someone a question...yesterday I spoke to the woman that stocks the panoply of cheese in the supermarket. I made a point of asking her for pronunciation of a certain type of blue cheese that I like. Brebis ( lambs milk) I need to ask more questions.
- I have a sweater missing in the dry cleaners. Luckily, it was empty at that time so we spent 30 minutes looking at packaged and folded sweaters. I would ask her the name of things, like "plaid".. She was really nice and it was a good immersion session for me. We did not find the sweater, I go back this morning to try again. Does everyone remember what they drop off at the dry cleaners? I had a bunch of things in my car for about a month waiting to find a dry cleaner ( that ended up to be right down the road) ...when I handed them over, I was more concerned about my French.
-I don't miss California, really. I don't miss things being easy. What I do miss is having my own house that I can decorate, my own garden that I can work in. This house is perfect for what I need right now. Perhaps it's better that my efforts don't go into decorating. I have made the house into a sort of atelier . I can't hang anything except on the nails that already exist....and there are very very few. I don't have any finished paintings yet anyway. I would normally start collecting things, but I am keeping it to a minimum. There is nothing here for me to decorate so that energy is going to have to go elsewhere.
And I don't think I will be gardening either. It was so important to me before I left that I have a place to garden. It's just not possible here. I could build a box but...why? There are existing plants that are here and I'm stuck with that....again, probably for the best....more energy to put towards other things.
All of my decorating and gardening is left at home. It feels similar to how we put away Christmas ornaments and decorations till the season comes again. The season will come again. I will use the energy being creative, meeting people, figuring out my move to Italy and speaking French.
Good idea?
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